The brooding hood of apathy

Seems to hang like eternity

Uncertainity playing hide n seek

Destiny watching with its crooked smile..

Worthlessness hopelessness

Lovelessness, the ingredients of

Lifelessness..

Tightening the grip..

Bland emotions blended with

Bizarre impulsive outbursts

Tossing in to a whirlwind

Of maddening mental orgasm

Flashbacks blinding the path ahead

Longings yearnings fastening the clutches

Desires fold and unfold

Leaving in a state of trance!

Amidst the chaos..

Nearing the demise

Of unsaid undone .

Why A tiny ray of hope..?

An angel look hither!

Or its delusional trick

Conceived by the clever mind

To deceive !....

As I wake up from the deep slumber

Moving my hand on the space besides

I can feel you

Beneath my fingers

Warmth of your love making

In the bygone night still

Burns deep within me

When you held me close

The wet lips holding mine

Swollen with the sweetness of

Your taste still lingering on the tips

The reciprocation was intense

As I trace my fingers through hair

You pull me closer

Putting the straying curl behind my ear lobe

Your eyes boring deep

Making me feel naked

As never before

You can see those burning fires

Matching those in yours

A smile curves your lips

As you further tighten your embrace

Entangled entwined spent

We loose ourself in to each other

Giving away to sleep..

Only to be awakened

With the memories of you

Leaving me so blue...

I am not dead..pink

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

There"s all these cracks

Crack of sunlight

Crack in the mirror on your lips

It"s the moment of a sunset Friday

When our conversations twist

It"s the fifth day of ice on a new tattoo

But the ice should be on our heads

We only spun the wheel to catch ourselves

So we weren"t left for death

And I was never looking for approval from anyone but you

And though this journey is over I"ll go back if you ask me to

I"m not dead just floating

Right between the ink of your tattoo

In the belly of the beast we turned into

I"m not scared just changing

Right beyond the cigarette and the devilish smile

You"re my crack of sunlight

You can do the math a thousand ways but you can"t erase the facts

That others come and others go but you always come back

I"m a winter flower underground always thirsty for summer rain

And just like the change of seasons

I know you"ll be back again

I"m not dead just floating

Underneath the ink of my tattoo

I"ve tried to hide my scars from you

I"m not scared just changing

Right beyond the cigarette and the devilish smile

You"re my crack of sunlight oh

I"m not dead just yet

I"m not dead I"m just floating

Doesn"t matter where I"m going

I"ll find you

I"m not scared at all

Underneath the cuts and bruises

Finally gained what no one loses

I"ll find you

I will find you

I"m not dead just floating

I"m not scared just changing

You"re my crack of sunlight yeah

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=nTc_fExPni4&feature=related

Sara bareiiles
lyrics.

Gravity.

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I"ll still feel you here "til the
moment I"m gone.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love
and not feel your rain.

CHORUS
Set me free, leave me be. I don"t want to fall another
moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I"m supposed to
be.
But you"re on to me and all over me.

You loved me "cause I"m fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile
strength is gone.

CHORUS
Set me free, leave me be. I don"t want to fall another
moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I"m supposed to
be.
But you"re on to me and all over me.
I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you"re
everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you"re neither friend nor foe though I can"t seem to let
you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you"re keeping me
down

And another set of lovely lyrics....

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=RMH8LB3c6GE&feature=related

hey guys, don't be mistaken these are not my works....few of my fav songs...:)))

The confinement..II

With passage of time the inaudible conversations grew louder as she lost the inhibitions and confronted the voices outside. To her surprise they soothened her in the strangest ways she could manage to think of. The conversations were nothing in particular. Anything about life death, sanity, insanity, spirituality, love hatred, tears, laughter, silence, egos, relationships, food, water air, light, science, metaphysical, astral, magical, seasons-with rains-binding and relating more closely, forests, animals, universe sun moon, animate, inanimate, from mundane life patterns to myriad
experiences. They argued and fought over their philosophies with none
ready to bend and at the same time sometimes mellowing down in to each other's
will and wishes as if the egos never existed. They giggled and laughed like
small children renouncing their childhood memories. Sometimes like young love
lorn teenagers, shying away from confessions of love with pounding heartbeats.

They allowed each other to visit those darkest alleys of their minds helping each
other clear the cobwebs of rotten memories. They roamed there together holding
hands protecting each other when encountered with fears and yet allowing each
other a space of their own. Those spaces dawned upon them the realization of
the distances between them. And those distances increased the longing, the
yearning further drawing them closer. They undressed their minds and dared each
other to follow. The stone walls seemed to rather become transparent as if replaced by glass, beginning to melt slowly. They could see each other, feel each other. There was this feeling started to grow within, of these walls coming down and there will be a time when everything will be permitted.

This bondage and the pleasant interlude of souls and
minds had not spared them from tasting the blissfulness of love ripening
between them and crossing the bridges of forbidden desires came as naturally as
breathing and beating of the hearts. She never knew that love appeared suddenly but she was now open and ready to love. As for her, the visibility in that dark chamber had enhanced paralleling the one in her mind. She was not yet able to get the hang of this little beautiful miracle of love. It made her habitat appear more beautiful than ever. And more than that it made her happy to feel important to him.

Though they had not met or encountered each other in
a literal sense. But on their journey together they realized that Passion was a
strong binding force, stronger than the mind controlling techniques and the
rigid self discipline. And the evolving patterns of passion astonished them and scared them at the same time. But despite the warnings they indulged. The stony walls were no hindrance to the mental sensory apparatus. There was this time when the red hot flames of passion engulfed and burnt the chambers with the ferocity of their love making
liberating them as none before. And yet there was a careful tenderness in
confronting each other When they knew they were prisoners of fate uncertain. There
were no explanations, no answers, just an emotional storm which engulfed them
as they clung to each other not letting go. And the confinement had filled them
with a strange sense of contentment.

''She wondered whether that man really existed or was
really an angel sent by god to teach her the secret lessons of life. In the end
she decide that he was a real man. Even if only for one moment, one day. He had
given her everything he had kept to himself in the whole life: his struggles,
his hopes, his joys and his dreams. And she had given herself wholly too- she
was his companion, his audience, his wife, his friend, his inspiration his
lover for those few moments. In a matter of few days of their togetherness she
had experienced a love of life time. It revealed to her that she was still
capable of loving and being loved. It taught her something that finding
something important in life does not mean that one has to give up all other
important things''.(quoted from BRIDA)

A-path-e..

Blank numbnessStatic thoughts
Entangled
Frozen in time
Loads of strong coffee
Sluggish rains
Dark winds
Unsatiable longings
Cravings unyeilded
Passioned rawness
Darkness prevails
Languishness creeps
Mind blocks
Dead tracks
Adversities in abundance
Solutions unreachable
Fantasies surplus
Naked reality
Looking in to soul
Sleepless nights
Bustling days
Memories bygone
Passive contentment
Subdued aggression
Chained freedom....Way to go!

Mood swings...may be..taking me to a-path-of -enlightenment as usual!..opening the blocked gateways!..may be.

The confinement..I

The alleys of her mind were darker than the chamber she was locked in. Non stop moving images running like an
incomprehensible movie, screaming, scattering rays of bizarre colours blinding
her with their sheen and leaving her alone suddenly in the dark only to reappear. The play of images-- the
images of memories in the deep dark alleys tormenting her over and again,
making her behave in weird ways. She loved hanging with them sometimes and
shoved them off but they were more stubborn than her.she had herself fed them a
part of her own inane stubbornness and they had become like parasites now.

Her
external chamber was also dark except small fine rays of light peeping through
the broken crevices of the stoned walls and a heavily chained iron door with
minimal light filtering beneath. The dust brushing off from the walls and their
smell and touch talked to her about the changing weather outside the four
walls. The warmth, the chilled brazen cold feel, the muddy dampened smell when
it rained. She talked to them, played with them screamed at them and then tired
fighting, slept off embraced in their support. Helplessly pleading sometimes in
her earlier days of confinement to free her.

Lately she had stopped doing that pleading part. She
had fallen in love with the darkness and the solitude which gave her enough
time to converse with the inner voices and the images wandering like vagabonds
in the darker alleys of her mind. It gave her a strange sense of peace and
enlightenment.

Today she got up awakened by the screeching sound of a
jarred door. She opened her eyes in the dark and paused for a moment, to
accustom her eyes to do the listening moving them in dark. when her ears too
acknowledged the sound which was not a usual illusionary game played by her
mind. The sound was audible again and she realized it was the door of the
adjoining chamber. It was a dead silence after that. No more sounds for a long
while. She laughed at herself may be she was growing old and hard of hearing.
The inner world of her voices had deafened her to the noises outside.

But this
time this was no illusion or hallucination or any ghost walking out of her
dreams. It was indeed a real sound, sound of life sound of another human being.
She had forgotten long back she was one too. It came as a gruff croaking cough this time. An
intermittent one. She moved closer to the wall pressing her ear to the wall till it ached to reinforce on
herself the idea of the sound as real. She could hear heavy breathing or just a
figment of her imagination.

She wondered
at herself thinking for the first time in so many years out of her own weaved
world and longing to hear that sound again. She felt a small fragmented flame
of hope burning inside, some life was still left. The thought angered her..the
inner voices became predominate once again. She had worked hard to detach
herself, to confine herself to this dark world, but it seemed this one new
sound had made all her efforts go in vain. She dragged herself to the extreme
opposite corner of the chamber indulging her self once again into clearing the
cobwebs she spun off n on. The rest of the day passed uneventful.

The next
started on almost the same note with the frequency of sounds slightly increased
than the previous one. Her curiosity drove her mad. After such a long time of
confinement this was not welcome. She had lost track of the time..how long? A
new fight had begun inside of her..quite different from her inner voices, a
fight to ignore the sounds from the adjoining room. When it became unbearable
she gathered the courage and knocked at the stoned wall a bit too hard to
imprint marks on her knuckles, with no response. Her frustration emerged from
the source which she wasn't able to understand, confused, whether the sound
made her really angry or happy or that it had succeeded in distracting her from
her own world of memories. Her curiosity was growing each day with the
increasing clarity of the quality of sound which changed from a hoarse one to a
softer breathing.audible? Yes?..

Who are
you?..the question came piercing across the wall jerking her out of her
frenzied state as if pulling her into the whirlpool. It striked her ear drums
and she could hear them vibrating. It was a deep enriching male human voice
with a brusque undertone. For Once she felt like responding but immediately
refrained..she wasn't used to responding to commands other than her own. Again
the days passed uneventful as she was getting accustomed to the swift sounds
from across the wall. She had not answered the question but it seemed as if the
conversations had already started, slowly diffusing the visible walls. ...

soulful
contemplations..

Repeated contemplations revealed to meThe meaning of soul in varied ways
Some familiar some strange..

What is soul?
The talked over wandering spirits
Or the deep inner us trapped within
Courageous one moment to allow us
To fall in to the depths of love unfathomable
Searching for the answers..
Or making us act as cowards the very next
Out of the fear of loosing the loved one.
Or even the very next teaching us acceptance

Revealing to only us the deeper inner mysteries
Or our conscience
Scaring us away by the consequences of what is revealed..

Why wait for death to liberate the soul.
Its just a mere liberation from the body of five elements..
Let it liberate us from the bondages of fear, haterd, anger,
denial, circle of life and death, acceptance, mortality..

This soul has given me the courage to face my fears
Strengthened my beliefs in me
Helped me o be myself..

Enlightened me in abundance on the path of love
Where I am no more afraid to love
The pain it brings is not humiliating, it never was..

The soul has given me the comfort zone I desired
To acknowledge my inner strengths $ weaknesses
My inherent fears and insecurities.

I no more wait for death to be liberated
I do not fear it now
I am at my free will
With my soul search continuing with each passing moment
For more answers to my when?..where?..what's?...
But I dare not ask why?...
The ultimate reason for my existence
Because the answer lies somewhere deeper
With the strange powers I believe in..
For each one of us.

Inspired by BRIDA..by Paulo Coelho..concluding with few
quotes from the book..

·
Something which is outside is harder to change than what is
inside.

·
Play the part and don't worry about what others do, believe
that god speaks to them too and they are as engaged as us in discovering the
meaning of life.
·
We realize that there is a reason for us being ther and for
us that is enougth.

Alfaz to wahin hai
Mehfilein verani hain

Dayree wahin hain
Bass ek nai kahani hai

Dilbar to wahi hai
Dillagi ki aadat purani hai

Yaadon ke katghare mein
Faisle naye sunane hain

Toote khawab to wahi hain
Bas jashan naye manane hai

Dil ki dhadkanein wahi hai
Unke pyar ke mausam begane hain

Denewala to de gaya
Kuch zakham dikhane hain
Kuch zakham chupane hain..

Who humse milne aayein
na aayein Tamam umr
in mehki hawaon se
in behki fizon se
us dilbar ko
darmiyan dooriyon ke
ehsaas roobaroo karane hain.....